Ok.. I admit, there will NOT be alot of Esme and Duo in this fic.. a LITTLE bit, but only to hint at the perils to come. For those of you who have read the teaser on my page, you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. I know.. I've written that teaser months ago.. I WILL get to it! I PROMISE! <G>

Battle of the Triple Grill, part 2- Get Ready, Get Set....

By Caliko

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2 days before the cook off:

Sally winced at curses that leaked through the closed door, forcing herself not to duck at the sound of crashing dishes. Hearing the bowl once again hitting the wall, she carefully stuck her head through to cracked door to see what was wrong.

"Wufei... is everything alright in here?" She asked, actually afraid to hear the answer.

"Of course it is! Why shouldn't everything be fine?" He retorted, eyeing the glompy yellow mass of honey mustard sauce on the wall.

"Well, it's kinda obvious when your chicken is naked, and the wall is overdressed."

He gave her an evil glare before bending down to pick up the pieces of the shattered bowl.

"Is there a reason why you're here, interrupting me?" He asked, ignoring her mirth.

Sally smiled wider, remembering her reason for braving the kitchen. Leaning against the clean door, she crossed one leg over the other and put a hand on her hip.

"You have a delivery, Wu." She said.

Something in her voice SHOULD have warned him, but Wufei was just a tad distracted with cleaning up the mess.

"Yeah?" He asked, perking up. "Is it my farm fresh chickens?"

She snorted, unable to help herself. "Oh, they're fresh, alright."

Her husband got up, cheerfully forgetting the fact that he broke his favorite stoneware bowl as he left to go sign for his shipment.

He walked through the living room, and out the door, expecting to see a refrigerated delivery truck. He was not expecting it to be an open box truck.. filled with clucking cluckers.

"There has to be a mistake." He said to the driver.

"Are you Chang Wufei?" The man asked, pushing back his Tarheels baseball cap.

"Yes." He admitted, a hard ball forming in his stomach.

"Then there's no mistake." The man turned around and started removing cages. After the twelfth one, he handed Wu a clipboard and pen. "Sign here." He said, as Wufei scrawled his name out of habit. "Thankee boy. Oh, here. You buy ten chickens, and they throw the ax in free."

The offending tool was shoved into his hands, and then the crazed driver was gone.

Wu shook himself, then started shouting, "COME BACK!! I can't KILL chickens!! Aren't they supposed to come packaged, or something?"

Sally started laughing behind him. "Wufei.. they are packaged. In crates."

She was once again the recipient of an evil Wufei glare as she went back inside, laughing, to finish cleaning up his mess.

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Two Hours Later

"Daddy? You're not going to REALLY kill Lady Cluckers, are you?" Katy asked, hurt betrayal in her eyes.

Her father looked up from where he was resting, trying to catch his breath after chasing the blasted chickens that someone let loose.

"What? Who's Lady Cluckers?" Wu asked, confused.

"My Chicken! Aaron said I can't keep her.. that you were going to kill her for dinner! You aren't, are you?" She had her skinny arms around the plumpest one. Chang noticed that not only was it the fattest, but it was also sporting a plaid blue ribbon. At least he knew who let them loose, now.

"Katy..." he began patiently, "We don't keep pet chickens."

"Then why are they here?"

"They are for the barbecue on Saturday."

"DADDY! YOU ARE NOT KILLING MY CHICKEN!"

"Baby -"

"NO. N - O! You want chicken, go to the supermarket like everyone else!" She stomped her foot as she yelled at him, then turned and walked away, giving the blue ribbon a tug. To Wu's dismay, the blasted hen followed the little girl like it was a puppy.

/sigh/ Now he had to build a chicken coop.

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That same day.....

Heero lightly spread the barbecue sauce over the breasts in front of him, taking care to keep the coat even. adjusting the flame to it's lowest setting, he closed the cover to the grill and went back to his hammock.

He knew that Chang didn't stand a chance. Wufei was notorious for losing his temper, and he had no patience. The two things every good cook needed was a calm head and a slow hand. Victory was going to taste so sweet!

He snorted, then glanced back to the grill, spotting the invader at once. It was HER.. his nemesis of the moment. She was lifting up the cover.. and was about to sprinkle something onto his chicken breasts!

"What do you think you're doing?" He asked, towering over he so quick that he didn't remember getting up.

"You forgot to add the adobo, Mr. Yuy! You can't barbecue chicken without adobo!" The estate cook said, in shock at his having pulled a gun on her.

"I don't use adobo, Ms. Keller. I have my own mix of ingredients, and half don't even go on until the chicken is done cooking. Now, if you don't mind, GET AWAY FROM MY GRILL!"

"Hmmph! Fine! But don't complain to me if Agent Chang wins. Oh no! I guarantee that he uses adobo!"

She stalked off, grumbling about how she was going to start to bring her shotgun. Heero snorted, wondering how she thought she would get the drop on him, of all people.

"Heero." Relena said, looking out her office window, "please don't make me choose between you and my cook. at the moment, you will only lose."

"Relena, don't be stupid! I didn't do anything wrong!" He began, instantly saying the wrong thing.

"Stupid?? I am NOT stupid, Yuy! Just for that! Grrrrrr!!" She slammed the window shut, and stalked out of her office.

"Ms. Keller, watch the grill!" Heero shouted to the retreating cook, then took off indoors after his wife.

"I'll watch it burn! You told me to keep away from you're grill!" she said, smirking.

"But.. but.."

"Your wife is getting away." She smirked wider, as Heero gave her the death glare and continued to chase after Relena.

"Relena! What did I do?" He cornered her in their bedroom, and felt guilty when he realized that she was crying.

"Our kids are criminals! And I just KNOW that these next two will be too!" She started to wail, oblivious to the fact that her husband hadn't even known she was pregnant.

Heero kinda fell back to a sitting position on the bed, his eyes wide with shock. Then, coming to his senses, he started to grin.

"You're pregnant?" He asked, ecstatic.

Relena nodded, sniffling.

"But, aren't you happy, Princess?"

"Yes.. but.. they'll probably be worse than the two heathens we already have."

Heero started to laugh, then, putting his arms around his wife, said, "Relax, Relena. We already have my clones. I'm sure this one will take after you."

She chuckled weakly, still sniffling a bit. She did love her children, she just couldn't relate to them. It didn't help that as politicians children, they were required to be well behaved and soft spoken... two things that Brendan and Chryssy were not. She was constantly living on the brink of scandal, and almost wished that it would happen already. At least then, she could stop worrying about it.

Heero was right, though. Maybe this next child would take after her.

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At the Maxwells....

"Hilde, have you seen my hairbrush?" Duo asked, rummaging around under the bathroom sink.

"Esme borrowed it. She couldn't find hers, and she was late." Hilde said, handing the missing brush to her husband.

"Late? For what? It's summertime, no school!" The pilot reminded her, confused.

She had a date with the Thornton boy. His mother took them to the museum."

All Duo heard was the date part. Going white in the face, he started to choke, forcing Hilde to smack his back a few times (which made it worse).

"You let her out? Please tell me she was wearing pants and a long sleeved shirt."

"She wore a dress. What is wrong with you, anyway?"

"Makeup?" He whispered, his eyes nearly shut in mental pain.

"Just a little." Hilde admitted, smiling slightly in sudden understanding. "Duo, she's not a baby anymore. You had to be expecting this."

"but..but.... she's only thirteen!"

"Yes, Dad, and it's a chaperoned date. I don't think that Jack's mother is going to let her little boy jump our little girl."

"But, Hilde!! Why didn't anyone say anything to me?"

"Maybe because you freaked out the first time she wore makeup. We didn't want to risk the first date scene."

"This is not funny! Stop laughing!" He demanded, running his hands through his newly trimmed hair.

"Yeah, it is. Look, relax! Jack is eating dinner here, and you can give him the third degree then. Just keep in mind.. he is only fourteen!"

"I was fifteen when I met you."

"Duo!" her tone said it all, and he backed down, grumbling.

"fine! But if I don't like him, she won't see him again!"

"ok, Duo. But be gentle."

Hilde was laughing at him.. he just knew it...

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