Disclaimer: no, I don't.

*blinking at coffee mug* coffeeis proportional to the growth of the insanity ratemuch coffeemuch insanitycoffeeinsanityhey, I think I learned something here! *grins, then frowns* What was it again?

Dedicated to Youjibarracuda, who actually took the time to patiently sit down and translate a cute Spanish song for me! ;)

Beta-read by Caliko, who helped sand down the splintery edges of the story.

MONTH TWO: Dedication don't cut itbring in the whole damn band

Don't cry for me, Argentina,

The truth is I never left you(sure)

Hilde sighed, putting a hand behind her back to support the burgeoning weight of her stomach. It was getting harder and harder to walk to and from workmaybe she ought to find a job closer to home. Or perhaps even take Relena up on her constant offers of a place to stay for a whileat least until after the baby was born anyway. Then she laughed at her own absurdity. She was too proud for that, always insisting on taking care of herself. And she couldshe had been for a few months now, hadn't she? She patted her tummy affectionately.

"I'll make sure you won't want for anything. You'll be lovedand cuddled andwhat the hell??" She stopped, staring at a huge crowd that had congregated around her apartment building. People were standing on their tiptoes, murmuring in excitement as they eyed the spectacle thoughtfully, expressions of sappy contentment filling their faces. Somehow, Hilde doubted she would like this, especially since tingles of dread were racing down her spine. She coughed once and started backing away slowly, groceries held in front of her in a defensive gesture.

"UmmRel has a mansionI'm sure if I hide...erstay, this one out at her place, she won't mind too much" She turned to hail a taxi, but it was already too late. Her stalker had already seen her disappearing form and the bright beacon of her red beret.

"Hilde!"

Hilde cringed and tossed the bags in the cab, "Peacecraft Mansion. And step on it." But before she could get, or rather dive, through the opened door, a hand had grabbed her arm, spinning her around to meet the grinning face of a baka.

She was not smiling. In fact, if her scowl had gotten any darker, it would have rivaled the ice of the famed Yuy Death Glare. Of courseDuo had gotten worse from Heero, so he was not affected by her growing annoyance.

"Hey babe."

"Bug off." She snapped, too tired to be polite. (of course, shooting his car hadn't been polite either, but that was a moot point.)

She glanced around them, seeing her neighbors press around them like avid soap opera viewers. She wasn't sure, but there seemed to be a faint smell of buttered popcorn in the air and peanut shells were littered on the cement sidewalk. One person had gone so far as to hold up a huge banner with the words:

"WE'RE ROOTING FOR YOU, DUO!" splashed across it like the cover of a tabloid magazine. Looking around, she confirmed the usual assortment of "Fainting Damsels", "Hawkeyed Reporters" and the occasional cheering "Football Fan". Damn. And she hadn't brought her gun.

"What do you want?"

"Just another chance, babe." The Fainting Damsels sighed. The Hawkeyed Reporters scribbled. The Football Fans grunted. Hilde steamed.

"Get a life, Duo. I'm sick of playing your little games. This isn't just another video game you're talking about. This is my life, which you've been making a farce of for the last few weeks!" Heads swiveled back to Duo for his rejoinder.

"That's cuz I won't let you go." The Damsels sighed. The Reporters scribbled. The Fans started whistling, waving flags with the word "SCORE!!!" on them as the concrete almost cracked with their enthusiastic stomping. Hilde was not impressed.

"You should have thought of that beforehand, Duo Maxwell!" He was looking at her again with those beautiful violet eyes. She gritted her teeth. She wasn't giving in. She wasn't. She had shot his stupid truck and she wouldn't back down now. She had just gotten settled in, damnit, and he was already ruining her perfectly normal life! God, things had been so peaceful before he had charged in, bugles trumpeting, hounds baying.

Instead of answering, Duo raised his voice, shouting to some person in the back. "Hit it, Mario!"

"Mario? Hit what?" Panic increased in her stomach and the sea of humanity parted to reveal of a small Spanish band. Hilde's eyes widened. "Oh no" The bewhiskered man nodded and before Hilde could stop him or run away, the band began to play.

//My heart left with you through the door

I though t I could convince your soul of my plight

We couldn't support the aggravation//

"Okay, Duo, you can stop now." Hilde gritted through clenched teeth.

Murmurs of "Awww" and "He must be heartbroken" spread through the crowd as they eyed Duo with sympathy. Except for the Fainting Damsels. They seemed all too happy to offer their own band of "sympathy" as they eyed Duo with predatory watchfulness that was unsuited to their name. Some were already approaching with cautious, determined steps. Hilde glared at them, then up at him, restraining the urge to pound all of their faces in.

~ Okay Hildethat's the hormones talking. You don't want to kill him. You don't want to strangle Duo with his braid. He's the father of your child. He deserves to suffer through your baby's birth. ~

//Our love, it gave us happiness

But it also came to punish us with pain//

"I mean it, Maxwell." He ignored her. The crowd ignored herwell, except for the Reporters, who continued to scribble furiously in their ever-present notebooks.

//And the door closed behind you

And I never saw you again//

"If only!" Hilde exploded, causing the guitars to come to a screeching halt and attention to come swinging back to them.

Duo glanced down at her and grimaced as he saw murder flaring in her cerulean eyes as she looked up at him with feline fury. "Hilde, uhmaybe this isn't the best time-"

"Oh I told you that when we started, you jerk. But you didn't listen to me, now did you? I said, shut up, say nothing, go away, and you're still here!" She jabbed a finger into his chest, glaring at him. "Now every person from the Sanq Kingdom to the Colonies are going to be under the impression that I kicked you out of the house, aren't they? First that deal with the monster truck, now this!"

"Hilde-babe-"

"Don't you dare 'Hilde-babe' me, Duo Maxwell!" She backed him against the wall and the mass crowded in eagerly, excited whispers quickly hushed. "I say, yeah, I'm carrying your baby. What did you say? 'I don't believe you.' Now, did you bother to tell the oh-so-avid audience that you freaking accused me of cheating on you when we were together? Huh? Noooo. That's why they probably think I'm a bitch and you're the saint in black robes, don't they?"

"Uh" Duo peered around Hilde's form and winced, "You could ask them yourself, babetheum.oh-so-avid-audience is sortastaring at us withavidity?"

Hilde's face went up in a flush of embarrassment, and she groaned silently before turning slowly around to face the crowd. Taking a deep breath, she smiled nervously, "Baby on the way, hormonesheh heh"

Then she ran to the cab, grabbed the groceries, and ran up four flights of stairs. For a few seconds, no one said anything, just staring with accusing eyes at the Shinigami. Slowly, the crowd began to disperse, but not before one of the Damsels came up to him and gave him a dirty look, flipping long burgundy tresses back.

"What kind of man are you anyway?" Before he could answer, she was already storming down the streets in a flurry of high heels and short skirts, leaving him scowling.

A hand landed on his shoulder and he looked up to see a semi-tall, overweight man looking at him with sympathetic disappointment. "Manyou were at the ninety yard line and going strongthen you tripped." Duo growled

Mission status: Hope is lessening, patience is wearing thin. Shinigami had to be physically restrained from throttling the heckler. Primary symptoms of mental insanity observed.

MONTH THREE: Getting desperate here

"All right. Enough's enough." Quatre looked cautiously at the furious Shinigami followed closely by Heero as he stormed through the door, wincing as the force of the slam rattled the chandelier. "It didn't go well?" He asked tentatively and was rewarded by a dark scowl.

"No." Heero said simply, sitting in one of the chairs.

"She is being purposefully difficult!" Duo snapped, then grinned dangerously. "Well, two can play at that game, right? All I have to do is get her to talk to me and then I've got the upper hand!" He laughed insanely, characteristic of close association with Heero under stress-worn circumstances, and Quatre winced at the hint of hysteria present in the Shinigami's voice.

"He hasn't had much sleep has he?"

Heero raised a brow, then repeated, "No." in his usual, monotonous voice, but this time there was a hint of exasperation in it as well.

"You should sleep." Heero watched Duo pace back and forth, wearing a track through Relena's Persian carpet.

"I'm fine. You go to sleep." Heero suppressed an urge to get out his gun. They had been through this more than a hundred times, and he was no closer to getting the Shinigami to bed then when he had first started his vigil.

Relena had long since retired with the warning that he was "responsible for Duo. He's your friend, Heero." It was now three o' clock in the morning and even the Perfect Soldier façade had long since begun to fray. Slipping a bottle of sleeping pills from his pocket (what pocket??) he searched through fourteen discarded coffee mugs before setting on one that was not too dirty. He filled the mug up with the piping hot decaf. before dropping in the sleeping pill, which dissolved instantly.

"At least drink some coffee."

Duo nodded with an absent grin, tossing back the supposedly caffeine-saturated liquid before continuing to walk in circles. One minute passed. Then another. Heero glanced at the bottle. "Quick action sleeping pills. Takes affect within five mnutes." Heero waited patiently. Another minute. And another. And anotherHe frowned. Maybe you had to use two.

He repeated the steps. Duo was not affected. When he was down to half of the original bottle, Duo turned to him quizzically, and asked, "The coffee tastes weirddid it go stale or something?" Heero winced, trying to think up good excuses as he stared, outwardly calm, at the Shinigami. His training as the Perfect Soldier had not included people that just refused to be affected by drugs.

"It's decaf." He finally replied monotonously.

"Oh." Duo returned to his pacing. "I was going to say that if they were sleeping pills, don't bother. The Doc. trained me to be immune against stuff like that."

Heero stiffened, almost crushing the rattling bottle in his clenched fist. ~And he couldn't have told me that fifteen pills ago?!!~

Heero frowned in remembered annoyance, his long, unruly bangs masking his expression. "He couldn't sleep."

Quatre glanced at him a little worriedly before saying in a low undertone, "HeeroI know this is unethnicalbut have you tried sleeping pills?" Heero scowled.

Mission status: Je n'ai jamais rien vu d'aussi pathetique <I have never seen anything this pathetic>

MONTH WHATEVERIT DOESN'T MATTER: Seriously contemplating abduction

A pair of Prussian-blue eyes carefully studied the black book in silence. Detailed notes and mission statuses had filled all one hundred college-ruled pages, one after another after another. It seemed as if Hilde was winning this battle of wills with sheer stubbornness, because it had already been too long. Even Relena was beginning to have serious doubts on whether or not Hilde wanted him gone, and Dorothy was taking every opportunity to drop taunting remarks in Duo's ear whenever he talked to Quatre. Sally? Sally was still not talking to Wufei, who blamed the entire situation on "your weak, blundering tactics with no grace or refinement. I can't believe you cannot even subdue your onna". Well, the last part he didn't say any more. Sally had heard, given him a withering look of unmitigated venom, before storming out of the room, leaving a shocked, paralyzed Fei in her wake. It had taken him several hours of peer counseling by Quatre to finally snap him out of his stupor.

With careful deliberation, Heero put the pen on the last line of the last page.

Mission status: failure

"Oh shut up!" Duo snapped, grabbing the planner. Marching to the window, he hurled it into the night and listened to the thing plop into the sewer with annoyed satisfaction. "I hated that thing anyway."

Heero blinked before replying, "You still haven't seen her."

"So?! She'll come around." But even these words seemed less than convincing and Duo ran his hand through his messy braid in vexation. "There's something I'm missing here, something that's very importantnowwhat was it again?" He chewed on the end of his braid thoughtfully and Heero merely sighed. This was worse than the missions against OZat least then he had ample time to sleep. Now? He glared at Duo with bloodshot eyes. He was lucky if he got twelve hours of sleep a week. And besides, he missed the warmth of his bedtime companion who still firmly insisted that he had to help his best friend out of the trouble that "you caused with your hacking, Heero. If you hadn't given Duo those papers, he would have been fine."

Privately, Heero had doubts about that last assertion, but she had glanced up at him with her wide, innocent blue eyes, and he had reluctantly nodded. Now he regretted it. He should have told her that Duo was a grown pilot, that he had taken care of himself during the war and now he could damn well take care of his personal love-life and

"I got it!"

Heero jerked awake from a semi-somnolent state and glanced at the braided American wearily. "What?"

"Well, I need to talk to her, so I'll go and talk to her! No fancy bands, no monster trucks, just me, four flights up, and her!" Before Heero could say anything, the Shinigami jumped out of his seat and went racing out the door with a loud slam. For a second, Heero considered going after him, then rejected that idea. He was tired. He didn't care, at that moment, if Duo got run over by a monster truck himself. He was going to bed and he'd face the consequences in the morning.

"Hilde! We need to talk!" The blustering wind carried his voice up to Hilde's window, which was lighted behind the heavy drapes. "Come on babe! No trucks, no Spanish band, just a short, simple talk!" There was no response. "Come on babe. If you want, I'll get Mario back out here and annoy the whole neighborhood with a spicy Mexican salsa! The truck just got out of the repair shop, you know! And-"

There was a muttered oath and the window was flung open>

Yes!! "Alright. Now-" Duo stopped and peered closer. Something was wrong. There seemed to be long strands of pale yellow-orangecrap. He ducked, but that didn't save him from the Wrath of the Spaghetti Noodles as they were dropped unceremoniously on his person, wrapping around his shoulders and glued themselves to his hair and face in long twining clumps. He scowled looking upstraight into a shower of Ragu Old-Fashioned. He didn't curse. He didn't say anything as he wiped a streak of Ragu away from his eyes.

"Forgetting something?" Duo called sarcastically. "Your spaghetti is getting rather tame, Hilde. I mean, what, no meatballs?" Suddenly hardened balls of ground-beef missiles pounded at him, hitting his shoulders and head with amazing accuracy before trickling to a halt. "Gee, thanks sweetheart" A single strand of spaghetti fell on his head.

Hilde sighed, shifting in her comfortable bed, but she couldn't sleep. She still had these images of meatballs being dropped on to Duo's head like a storm of hail and she couldn't stop from chuckling. But at the same time, she felt bada little. He had been pursuing her with his characteristic single-minded tenacitywhy couldn't he just leave her alone? Outside, the wind made the rusty fire escape creak and she sighed irritably. She was still up, and she wanted to be asleep, and she wouldn't complete her objective if she lay there staring up at the ceiling. She tried to close her eyes, then sniffed. Italian. Someone was definitely eating Italian foodthis late at night? She tensed, then laughed at her own fancy. It was probably just the smell of the left-over pizza that she had neglected to put away. She was eating a lot more these days and-

Suddenly, a hand was clamped over her mouth, muffling her scream and she looked up.straight into eyes that were lambent with amethyst fire. White teeth flashed in the darkness as Duo grinned dangerously, eyes slanted in "pleasant" annoyance.

"Hey babe. Oh waitdidn't I mention something about a talk?"

tbc

*Yawn* I'm tired. I'm turning in. The next chapter will be out sometime next week. *glares at coffee* I swear, I need more of this stuffI mean, I only drink five cups a day. Why am I out already?

(btw: SLEEPING PILLS ARE _NOT_ TO BE USED FIFTEEN AT A TIME. THEY ARE PRESCRIBED BY DOCTORS AND A USER SHOULD FOLLOW GIVEN PROCEDURES. THIS WAS ONLY DONE FOR HUMOR'S SAKE, OKAY?? SWALLOWING MORE THAN WHAT THE DOCTORS SAY CAN _SERIOUSLY_ BE FATAL!!!)