Disclaimer: Mine? *Grins* no. Only the story-line is mine. Everything else belongs to the big corporate companies who sell these products at exorbitant prices

Author's Note: Two words: Duo torturing...heh heh heh*evil laughter*

"Heero! You what!?" Relena cried, anger darkening her own features. "I told you to leave them alone!" Heero grimaced slightly beneath his Perfect Soldier, façade. This was the first time Relena had been angry, truly angry at him and he wasn't sure what she would do.

She was usually serene and sweet and....his thoughts broke off and he winced as her eyes impaled him. For the first time, Heero wondered if he had found an enemy that he was unable to meet; he didn't like the feeling. "Do you know how Hilde would feel if she knew Duo had actually looked into her private records? She'd be devastated!"

"Well, actually she's pissed off like hell and ready to get a restraining order on me," A humorless voice replied from the doorway and the couple turned to see Duo walk into the hall. He gave Relena a brief hug before narrowing his violet eyes slightly at the Zero pilot. "You....are dead." Duo said calmly, before lunging towards Heero.

Only the fact that Relena was still holding on to his arm kept the Shinigami from becoming his namesake and he glowered at Heero in frustration, unable to kill Relena's fiancé with her fist bunched into his sleeve.

"Duo...let's not fight, it won't solve anything!" Relena pleaded, gritting her teeth as she clung onto the fabric. She wondered if the seams would give out as a tug of war ensued. It didn't help that Heero didn't back up, electing to merely stand calmly a few inches away from Death. "Fighting...is..ow, I think I broke a nailnot the answer! So please...stop it...now!"

With one last yank, she managed to back him over the arm of the couch. He lost his balance and tumbled into the tangling embrace of fluffy pillows. Relena sighed as she stood over him, smoothing back her slightly mussed hair with a hand before giving her attention back to Duo.

"Duo, you know how I feel about fighting in my house...that's why I never let Wufei bring his katana to the Balls anymore! Honestly Duo....I expected better from you!"

Relena took the seat across from Duo as he pushed himself up from his sprawled position. Prussian eyes were still fixed warily on the American pilot as Heero took a seat beside her.

"Yeah well, when you're in my position, then it'll be my pleasure to say 'I told you so'," Duo said with a ghost of a grin before he propped his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward. "She threatened to get a restraining order ojou-san-"

"She won't be able to." Relena said reassuringly, then raised a brow as the two men glanced at her in surprise, "There are only a few advantages to being a Foreign Minister, but what advantages there are, I have learned to keep close to me. One of them is having access to the files on the law firms and judges in the Sanq Kingdom."

"You're actually going to break the law, Jou-san?" Duo asked incredulously, but Relena shook her head.

"I merely have powerful friends...and besides, if I didn't, you and Heero would probably get in jail for hacking. I still need a groom for the wedding," She smiled slightly, "I don't relish a wedding of the state occurring in a prisoner's cell at any rate...I don't think it would go well with the color of my gown."

Duo studied her closely, noting the faint rose-tinted glow that touched her contented face before asking, "Have you been drinking? You seem to be enjoying this an awful lot."

Relena blinked, then shook her head. "Actually, I haven't had a sip." She confessed before nodding, "Go on Duo."

"Anyway, I need to talk to Hilde, but she won't let me get near her. Ever since Hee-man here decided it would be a good idea to shove a sheaf of papers into my fist, she's been showing me her fist, or rather the back of her hand." Duo grimaced, "If I try to talk to her, she'd refuse. I'm not quite sure what to do, so I was hoping to ask you for advice...I mean, you hooked Perfect Soldier over there...you must have a few tricks up your sleeves."

Relena frowned, then glanced at Heero, who was looking back at her with his normally inscrutable face. She wrinkled her forehead slightly before asking, "Heero...would you mind leaving for a minute?" He stared back at her, and she sighed. "Heero, just give me a few minutes with Duo. Glaring at me won't make me change my mind, I need to talk to him." She leaned up and kissed him affectionately on the cheek as he capitulated silently, scowling.

Relena turned serious eyes back to Duo, folding her hands neatly in her lap. "Duo, I don't think my "tricks" as you call it, would work in your case. I simply did one thing and that took a lot of patience...."

"I have patience!" Duo interjected indignantly but Relena held up her hand, interrupting.

"Three years worth of patience, Duo?" Duo winced. "I didn't think so. Duo, she's hurting and she blames herself for leaving and giving up faith but-" Relena glared warningly as Duo tried to interrupt, making him subside back into the couch, "-she blames you for making her give up faith. Truly Duo, four years of living in the same bedroom and you couldn't give her a ring?" Relena shook her head. "What else was she supposed to do Duo?"

"She could have stayed," Duo replied indignantly, "There was nothing wrong with the way we were-"

"You are deluding yourself Duo." Relena warned impatiently, flipping her long blonde hair back over her shoulder. "again. Don't make the same mistake twice. Now, let me ask you again, what else was she supposed to do? And this time, think before you say anything."

Following her advice, Duo sat quietly for a moment, running the facts through his mind. He thought about the talk in the park with the two children, thought about what he had finally come to realize, then sighed heavily, not looking at the woman that sat across from him. "Nothing," He admitted, slouching in his seat, "She couldn't have done anything else..."

"Good." Relena smiled. "Now all you have to do is make her believe that you want her badly enough, Duo. Are you ready to beg and grovel and maybe even lick her feet? Because it might take that much for her to open the door to you again. Is she worth it?"

Duo looked across the coffee table that stood between them and a slow grin spread across his face, bringing life back into dark amethyst eyes, "Yeah." He said softly, "She's worth it."

"Then you need to fight for hermaybe enlist some help friend Quatre or Trowa?" Relena tipped her head to one side, "Surely after Quatre's courtship with Dorothy...."

"He'd have a few pointers?" Duo finished and mischief flashed across his face, "After all, Dorothy did pike him with her saber when they met. And Heero held a gun to your head...oi oi...what strange courtships I have seen. Maybe I should throw Hilde across my shoulders and make off with her in Deathscythe, eh?"

Relena laughed back, "Firstly, Hilde is pregnant, so traipsing across the galaxy without a doctor might not be that good an idea. Secondly, you left Deathscythe along with the other Gundanium scraps on the field, remember?" Duo grinned and hugged the ambassador of the Sanq Kingdom before jauntily walking out of the room, a whistle on his lips. He opened the door, almost bumping into Heero. "Hey, don't you know it's bad manners to eavesdrop?" Duo asked, then waved, "See ya! I'm gonna be at Quatre's if anyone needs me!"

Heero watched his best friend leave, footsteps echoing in the halls as a thoughtful expression stayed in his face. Suddenly, arms surrounded his waist and Relena grinned up at him, her ocean-blue eyes glowing with laughter. "Yes, don't you know it's bad manners to eavesdrop, Heero?" She teased and lay her head against his shoulder as she stared at the disappearing braid of the Shinigami. "He'll need all the luck he can get."

"Hn?"

Relena laughed and asked, "Don't you know? The next time he sees Hilde, she's going to be toting around a jumbo-sized can of pepper spray. I don't think that even being the God of Death will save our Shinigami from stinging eyes." Heero put an arm around her shoulders as he looked down on the golden-haired woman next to him, brushing her hair back with gentle fingers.

"You're enjoying this."

"Shouldn't I?" Relena countered, "I love Duo dearly as a friend, but its time someone gave him a run for his money and made him work to get what he wants. Hilde's doing just that. At the end, she'll let him have her, but in the meantime, he'll learn to grow up and finally admit to her that he loves her."

"He does."

"He's never said it, Heero." Relena smiled, "Or at least not to her. Doesn't he know that the only thing it'll take to win her heart back is those three words?" She shook her head, "Of course not, but men are not that perceptive." Heero raised a brow slightly and glanced down at Relena's guileless features as she attempted to hold back her laughter. She failed, a beatific smile crossing her face, contrasting with her cheerfully sly tone as she added, "And if you're wondering, Heero, yes, I do include you in that category."

"Hn."

WEEK ONE: Operation Love Life

Roses are red

"Hilde!" Duo pounded on the door, squirming uncomfortably in his pristine white suit as he held the traditional dozen red roses in his fist. His unruly brown hair had been captured into a tight, neat braid without the characteristic wisps flying from the intertwined plaits. "Hilde, open up, babe. " He stood in the hall impatiently, nodding politely at a grandmotherly figure that walked past him.

She paused, glancing at his formal attire, rheumy eyes straying to the spray of flowers that perfumed the hall with its pungent fragrance and smiled, wrinkles creasing the edge of her mouth. "You'll have to do more than that," she advised in a sand-papery voice, before moving away slowly. Duo scowled, then thumped his fist against the door again.

"Hilde!" There was no response, and Duo glared at the door, holding the irrationally urge to break it down in check as he brushed his bangs out of his face. ~ Damn it, Quatre, are you sure this is gonna work?! ~

Quatre smiled as he welcomed his guest into the parlor, sitting in one of the chairs as Dorothy walked into the room and stopped in the entrance, raising a brow. "I don't recall inviting you here." She smirked, not bothering to hide the gentle malice that sparkled in her azure blue eyes. "Shouldn't you be thinking of a plan to get yourself back together with Miss Schliebecker, Mr. Maxwell?" Duo glared at her, causing Dorothy to laugh. "Apparently you're doing just that, and scheming with Quatre, hmmm? Well, I'll leave you to your plots then. Quatre, Rashid says that dinner is ready."

"I won't be long Dorothy," Quatre answered reassuringly, and Dorothy gave an indolent shrug, glancing at Duo again.

"If you're helping him get Hilde back, I'm afraid you'll be here all night." A feline smile crossed her face as she turned around with a last parting shot. "I'll make sure to tell Cook not to let your dinner get cold."

Duo scowled darkly before turning back to Quatre, "Hey, Q-man....need a little help here."

"Hilde?"

"Yeah well, you know she's a little pissed at me right now" Duo grimaced at the understatement, "So I need advice. How'd you snare Queen of Cats there?"

Quatre hid a smile at Duo's uncomplimentary comment, not taking it to heart since Dorothy had been rather provoking. "I didn't snare anyone, Duo. We merely came to an understanding soon after our little...conflict and we found that we had much in common, besides fencing that is. So we met for a couple dinners, became friends and.....well ...things progressed from there."

"Come on." Duo persisted, "Nothing else?"

"Well, it is traditional to buy flowers or small gifts for a lady when you are wooing her." Quatre said thoughtfully then smiled, a slightly wry expression crossing his face, "Not that I would know.....mine was a most...unusual...courtship, if you recall."

"Yeah...flowers?" Duo asked hopefully.

"Maybe....only maybe." Quatre said cautiously, "I'm not making assurances, Duo. And it might only get you as far as the first step to her front door."

Duo rolled his eyes. "All I'm trying to get to is inside the hall Quatre....forget the front step. But if it'll work....then I guess I'll have to try it."

He glared at the door before setting the bouquet at the front of the door, their fragrant petals spilling onto the dusty black and white tiled floor. "All right, Hilde...I'm leaving. Oi, you're so stubborn! But I left a surprise for you, so you better get emthey'll need to be watered soon." He sighed and backed out of the hall. He would know soon enough what would happen from here. At least she can't do anything but accept them. He thought moodily. He was wrong.

The next morning, a package was sent to the hotel where he was staying, labeled simply, "From Hilde." Puzzled, he opened it, and a hundred rose petals spilled onto the beige carpet in a deluge of overwhelming perfume. They were followed by the broken stems and rose-heads that thumped of the satiny petals, rolling up dolefully at him. He glowered. That was not fair.

Mission status: Minor setback.

WEEK TWO-THREE: Favorite Songs

Let me tell you 'bout the birds and the bees

and the flowers and the trees and the moon up above,

get's me thinking 'bout....

<You have reached the Schleibeker residence. Please leave you name, number, and a brief message at the beep. And Duo, if it happens to be you, no. I am not going to return your calls. Thank you! BEEP.>

<Hey Hilde? It's me. Okay, I'm not asking that you return my call cuz I know you won't. Just do me a favor, okay? Say it's payback for rescuing you from Libra.> A book was thrown across the room, knocking the answering machine off the coffee table. <Yeah, I know, you probably threw something at the answering machine. See? If I were there, you could have thrown it at my head instead. Anyway, just go tune into 103.5 on the PM radio at about eleven o'clock, okay? Bye, babe.>

<End of message.> Hilde sighed, glancing at the digital clock as lambent numbers glowed 10:58 on its dark face. I can't believe I'm doing this....Absently, she flipped on the radio, then started as an echoing of the radio station's soft background music echoed on the streets. Running to the window, she yanked back the curtain, seeing a large monster truck roll through the quiet streets, belching clouds of gas as it came to a stop. From the truck, a woman's voice, supposed to be husky and soft, instead turning out shrill because of the overly large speakers that were welded onto the hood.

"Hilde. Duo wants to send a special message across the airwaves to you tonight...."

Hilde's cheeks flushed in mortification as her neighbors' lights flickered on, hooded figures sticking their heads out of their windows and pulling the drapes back. Yells of annoyance and confusion added to the chaos as the voice continued to screech, waking people from the comforts of their beds and warm blankets.

"What the hell? Are you crazy?!" A man's voice yelled and Hilde groaned, crawling into bed and throwing her comforter around her ears. Duo you baka......

"He wants to say that he wants to be there for you and the baby and he hopes that you will forgive him. He cares about you very much"

Hilde whimpered, hugging the blanket around her more tightly.

"So Hilde, this is going out to you tonight, for you to listen in the comforts and privacy of your home, in your room. Duo misses you and wonders if there's a chance that you two might get together again....Hilde, this is for you, Love Songs on....the Coast." The high voices of the background singers whined, "Karen Sharpe..." Hilde winced, cringing beneath the bed sheets and covering her ears with her hands, but the pounding music continued. "Coast one o' threeeee poinntttt ffiiiiivvvveee...."

"Baby,

please try to forgive me...."

Strains of "Shape of My Heart" by the Backstreet Boys began playing...and Hilde reacted violently, slamming a fist into the pillow (which was hard since she had to reach over the mound of her belly to do so...). That was the last straw. Fuming, she threw the covers back, getting out of bed quickly, even though her advanced pregnancy made it awkward for her to move around. She gasped for a moment, then stormed to the drawer of her nightstand, grabbing her gun and systematically loading it with bullets as she muttered dire curses under her breath.

Going to the window, she threw open the glass panes and yelled furiously, "Damnit, Duo! You IDIOT! This is not the comfort and privacy of my own room! And if you didn't learn a GODDAMNED thing about me, you f*cking well should know that I HATE BACKSTREET!!" She narrowed her eyes, then carefully aimed her Dostdevl .44 at the smoke-belching monster that was parked, or rather, took up the entire width of the street.

In the truck, Duo groaned, and slapped his forehead against his hand. "Shit...I forgot about that...."

"Let me show you,

the shape of my...."

Several shots rang into the night, and the speakers squealed, static running through the boy band's singing voices before silence finally descended back into the neighborhood. For a moment, nothing happened, then the same man yelled, "Thank you!" sparking a faint cheering that soon died away as everyone went back to sleep. Hilde smiled and laid the gun down. As Wufei would say, justice was served.

Mission status: Possibilities still exist....subject under discussion did not shoot Cupid. Truck's speakers will have to be replaced and dents must be sanded out of the door. Back window must be completely replaced before it can be returned to owner. (Duo glanced at the black booklet, then glared at Heero furiously. "I am not CUPID!" He yelled. Heero looked calmly up from his little notebook, and nodded. "I made a mistake." He explained monotonously, and scratched out the "C" in Cupid. Then he wrote "St" in front of the word instead. )

Author's note: ^_^ in the next episode, Operation Love Life continues as Duo tries one thing after another to get his girl backwill it work? Maaayyybe then again, he doesn't seem to have been having too much success, has he? Lol

The next Chapter will include the missions: MONTH TWO: Dedication don't cut itbring in the whole damn band, MONTH THREE: Getting desperate here, and MONTH WHATEVERIT DOESN'T MATTER: Seriously contemplating abductionso stay tuned for further insanity.

Btw, I don't really hate BSB, (even though some of their fans are WAY too militant sometimes, not always, but sometimes) but no matter what singer I had chosen, I would still have had her say that and shoot at the truck. Else what would be the fun? She couldn't have shot the radio for no reason, now could she? ^_~

~FierySable