Operation Parenthood: Phase Labor, B
by Caliko

disclaimer: GW is owned by sunrise and Bandai. I make no money off of this, nor do I ask for it. Don't sue, or you will look pathetic

At the sound of the key in the lock, Heero quickly hid the magazine under the couch cushion and turned the TV on to wrestling. It wouldn't do for Relena to find that particular periodical. He would never be able to live it down.

Tiredly, she walked into the apartment and set her briefcase on the floor. Crawling over to where he lay sprawled on the couch, she kissed him and snuggled into his arms.

"Heero, would you still love me if I quit my job?" She asked him, only half meaning it.

He sat there, smiling, and quietly considered her words.

"Relena, even if you resigned tomorrow, you would still go into the office and hand out advice.

The day you quit, is the day I actually shoot you."

"Aargh... Maybe I just need a vacation."

"Anytime your ready, Relena. We could go visit Duo and Hilde, maybe spoil Esme on them." He smirked, thinking about how annoyed he could get Duo. Esme was at the age where she wanted everything she saw, and 'no!' was her favorite word. Perfect age to spoil rotten with the right of godfatherdom.

"Ahh, Careful, Papa! Whatever you do to Esme, you can be sure will be done to these two!" She laughed, rubbing her overgrown belly.

"We can handle anything they throw at us. Besides, it just might be worth it!" He smirked as she hugged him closer.

Moving to look at her better, he realized that something caught her eye.

"What's this?" Relena pulled the magazine out from under the cushions. "Why on earth is this here?" She shrugged, then got up. "I was looking for this months.... I'm going to go take a shower and take a nap...."

Relena bent down and kissed his forehead before placing 'Expectant Mother ' under her arm and walking into the bedroom.

:::::::Whew! That was a close call!::::::

Esme ran out of her daddy's garage, dressed in a miniature version of her daddy's coveralls and smeared with more grease than Hilde would want to see.

::::::Unka Ee-o and Ant Reena was here!::::::

The tot rarely had the chance to see any of her adopted uncles, and could not be held back when one showed up on the doorstep.

"Hey, Esme!" Heero picked her up and swung, laughing when she giggled for more. "Where's Papa?"

He walked into the garage with the mini Maxwell locked around his neck. Relena watched in amusement as Esme kissed his cheek and left a rather large black streak on his face.

"Papa's in the bath woom, cuthing out the thupid thevy..." she lisped, obviously used to her fathers retreats.

"He's cursing out the stupid Chevy?" Heero guessed, smirking.

"yup.. He sayths it'z a cockwoach...keepths coming back..."

"ahhh... Well, maybe you can go upstairs with Aunty Relena, and I'll give Papa a hand, ok?"

Her face fell, and she gave off puppy vibes that she must of inherited from Duo. Looking into those violet orbs, he realized that he was in danger of being the pushover parent. He stiffened his resolve to be the logical one, instead.

"Do I haveta? Mama's upthstairths..."

"You can stay right here, Baby, but then you'll have to wait for your present..." Relena said, bribing the little girl.

"Oh! I want my pwethent! But.. Mama will make me get a bath!" Her face had a look of extreme horror on it, as if she knew from experience what Hilde would say. Relena bit her lip, attempting to keep a straight face.

Just then, Duo came out of the bathroom. He had Heard Heero's voice, and was determined to leave the damn car for the morning. Catching the tail end of the conversation, he adopted a very serious expression before scrunching down to his daughters level.

"Esme..."

"Yeth, Papa?"

"You do need a bath, and Papa needs a break." He picked her up, and motioned to the stairs, saying, "You're just in time for dinner!"

Hilde met them at the stairs, smirking when Duo tried to hand thier daughter off.

"Uh uh, Buddy-boy! You let her get greasy, you'll scrub her down!"

Obviously used to this argument, and knowing that he had already lost, the pilot grinned, shrugged, and carted the child to the bathroom. A few minutes later, the others heard the water run, and a very distinct "NO DAMMIT!"

Hilde blushed, stammering, "It's a stage.. She heard Duo yell it when a wrench came loose and he skinned his knuckles... If we make a big too do out of it.. she say's it louder."

"Relax, Hilde. From what I've read in 'Today's Parent', it's pretty common. A lot of kids go through this stage."

"I read that issue! And it's right on the money! That's why Duo now goes into the bathroom when he has the 'urge'."

"Oh! I was wondering about that. How long has she been repeating curses?"

"Only about a week. If it continues, I'll have to tell her to stop, but it might make her even more vocal. We're hoping she outgrows it."

"You know, both of you are taking this way too seriously. Just smack her ass and tell her 'no!'. If that doesn't work, take away her favorite toy! I mean, use some common sense, here!"

The women glared at him until he felt like crawling under the table. As an excuse to get away, he stammered an apology and made for the door.

"I err.. think I'll go get Esme's present from the car..."

He got back to see a glowing Esme trample through the kitchen. Hilde was trying to get her dressed, but the child was obviously a little heathen.

::::Wonder who she takes after?:::: He laughed to himself.

"NO, Dammit!" she screamed, bursting his eardrums.

"What's this? Esme won't get dressed? And what a bad mouth! Oh well, I suppose I'll have to find Mr. Bunny a new home...."

She turned and looked at him, her eyes wide at the stuffed blue rabbit that was larger than she was.

"MINE!" she screeched, running for Unka Ee-o's leg....

"Get dressed."

"Huh?"

Hilde groaned, knowing that her daughter was just introduced to bribery. Bribe them once, and the whole parenting war was a doomed cause. She held out the dress to her daughter, near tears. Relena, who had read that issue, too, silently commiserated with her friend as she shot Heero 'The Look'.

Esme, bless her greedy soul, wanted the bunny. She quickly shimmied into the pink lacy dress, complaining that it was 'girly', and pulled the stuffed rabbit from Heero's arms.

"MR. BUNNY!!! MINE!"

She then dragged it into the living room by it's ear and sat down to watch the Teletubbies marathon.

Duo came in, then, towel drying his hair. Looking at his daughter, sitting quietly in front of the TV with an oversized rabbit, and dressed in her least favorite dress, asked,

"Who's the kid?"

Having already fed Esme, and put her to bed for the night, the adults were more than ready to sit down and eat themselves.

"This is the only 'adult' time we get everyday." Hilde smiled, "Just think, soon, you will have two munchkins running around!"

Relena was about to answer, when she her water breaking, drenching her legs.

"um.. Hilde, I think soon is closer than we thought..."

"What?" Heero cried, Duo and Hilde both parroting him.

"My water just broke." she looked a little embarrassed, standing there wi th the three of them staring at her. "Can one of you call an ambulance?"

All three of them got up and ran for the phone. As the scene quickly faded into chaos, Relena waddled over to her cellular and called herself.

"Ahh.. Yes. This is Relena Yuy. Yes, I am. Thank you. Anyway, I am over at Maxwell's Garage, on L2.. You live next door? Wonderful, you can give directions. As I was saying, I'm in labor, and my husband is an idiot. Yes, I know the Maxwells are a bit scatty, as well. Can you send an ambulance? Wonderful! I'll be upstairs. Goodbye!"

She lowered the phone, ignoring the insane looks that she was getting from her husband and friends. Pointing to her suitcase, she looked at Heero. A smart man, he opened it up and gave her dry clothes. Hilde escorted her to the bedroom, and Duo went downstairs to meet the medics.

About six hours later, they had to give Heero a seditive. Two hours after that, they performed an emergency c-section, and soon after, the newest Yuy's were announced to the world... a boy and girl that looked just like Heero.

Wufei, who had just put his son, Aaron down for a nap, sat up as the news was televised on the screen. He smiled, relieved that they knew better than to call him. "Finally, friends who understand that not everybody likes to be involved in childbirth!"

"Hey, Woman! Yuy and Relena had a boy and a girl!" he yelled.

Sally was in the kitchen, slicing vegetables for dinner. "I just heard on the radio. Brendan and Chryssy Yuy, I think they had decided."

"Hmmmm...." He came into the kitchen behind his wife, and snaked his arms around her waist.

"You know, a little girl might be nice, Woman. Maybe a little blonde like her mama that I can teach to fight."

"Are you asking, 'Master'?" she turned in his arms, grinning.

"No, Woman. I'm telling you..." and he brought his lips to hers, declaring conquest on her soul.