Disclaimer: What? It's mine? Aw...thank you Santa Claus! Wait...What do you mean I've been naughty? Coal? No Gundam? Aurgh!

Um...this was written in a fit of exasperation and craziness. I usually don't do humor...(is this even classified as humor?!) or anyway, not humor in the purest sense of the word...usually, I'm a romance kinda girl. *bat the eyelashes.* Give me a good RP X HY fic any day! But I listened to the song called Burn it Up by Offspring and well...yeah.

To Preventer Wind and Blue Angel...THANK YOU both for getting me the lyrics!!!! J I really appreciate it!!! *blows 'em both a kiss and a grin* Merci!

To readers of Picture Perfect: *blink* Um...I don't know if I'll do a sequel. That was supposed to be a one-fic thing...supposed to emphasize how they got together...But if u find me a song that's really good for that pair, I'll consider it!

Wufei's Pyro Dream

 Heh heh heh...I have a Gundam. A smile crossed the Chinese boy's usually calm features, sweeping away training and years of self-imposed scruples. He grinned even more widely as the lights flashed and his monitor flickered to life, the reflections of the cockpit crystal clear in his deep sable eyes. He tightened his fingers around the controls possessively.

Below him, some female technician was pointing frantically to her headphones, gesturing for him to stop and turn on his communications system, but of course, she was ignored. The foolish weakling...didn't she know that Wufei Chang listened to no onna?! He knew what he was doing! Wufei growled in annoyance before twisting to point his triton threateningly at her, and she gulped, backing away slowly, before turning and running out of the hanger bay.

"He's gone nuts!" She screamed, but Wufei was already out the door. Now...where was that OZ base?

//I think I'm burning up inside

I think I'll take a little ride

I'm gonna light up everything in sight//

Duo heard the screaming woman and with a mumble, got, or rather fell, out of bed. "Whassit? OZ? Lemme at em..." He dimly heard the other pilots do the same before the technician burst in on them.

"Are you guys all totally oblivious? Get up! That crazy Chinese kid's trying to set fire to half the Sanq Kingdom!!" She then proceeded to punch her fist into the alarm system before running out the door again, still yelling. Unfortunately, she had pressed the wrong alarm, and suddenly, the G-Wing boys found themselves in the midst of a drenching downpour of water as the fire alert wailed insistently.

"Wha-?" Duo asked groggily, blinking as twenty gallons came falling on top of his head. "I'm up! I'm up!" He ran towards the door into the relative dryness of the hallway before muttering at the others, "Sheesh, I've heard of a cold glass of water in the face, but this is ridiculous!"

"What was she yelling about?" Quatre asked, shivering slightly in his damp teddy bear PJs. "Something about the Sanq Kingdom..."

"She said Wufei's trying to blow up half the Sanq Kingdom." Trowa said monotonously, trying to ignore the way his hair was plastered across the right part of his face. It was times like these that having long bangs was bad....

//I'll drive on by your yard

And throw a Molotov cocktail at your car

Then another in the local bar//

Wufei was having the time of his life. He grinned as the two dragon heads on his arms spat long threads of fire across the base, the oil and gasoline igniting immediately as rolling clouds of smoke filled the air. He laughed insanely, then took a minute to wonder if he wasn't acting like Yuy, then shrugged, and kept on laughing. Dimly below him, he could see a woman running out of the building, towel wrapped around her as she waved a soap-covered fist up at him. Obviously, she had just come out from the shower.

He wondered if he should kill her, then decided not to, switching on his comm system instead. "I will not fight weaklings such as yourself. Leave, and while you're at it, get some clothes on."

Sally steamed, braids half undone and wet as she watched Nataku walk off, still spouting fire every which way. "Weakling?! Oh you are so gonna get it, Chang Wufei!" She watched in helpless frustration as the remnants of her one story residence came crashing down, collapsing on itself, and growled, tightening her grip on the towel still clinging loosely to her body. At least he didn't get my car...

Suddenly, a part of the roof slid precariously off the burning walls, burning shingles dropping on the new Z3 BMW with a harsh ping and she whimpered. "No. No..." The fire roared, the roof quaked, then slid off the walls to settle on her beautiful silver car with a resounding crash. "No!! That took up my next three years' paycheck!! Do you know how little being a Preventer pays?! Damn you Wufei, I'm, gonna kill you!!!" Sally slumped to the ground. "And I just made my first down payment yesterday..."

//Ignition

They call it an obsession

but I think it's kinda bitchin'

I think it's kinda neat

Yeah, I'm a pyro

I wanna burn it up

Yeah, I'm a pyro//

The freedom! Now if only that stupid communications system would shut up...Wufei grimaced as he heard Maxwell's voice crackling out of the grilled speaker. "Yo, Wu-man...I think one of us lost one too many screws at the bar the other night...and this time, it wasn't me."

"Maxwell, I told you not to call me Wu-man! And do not distract me," Wufei brought his triton crashing down on one of the factories, which exploded with a satisfying thud as the energy beam came into contact with cold metal. The smell of burnt machinery made Wufei sigh in satisfaction before moving on.

Duo cringed. There goes Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory...NOW what am I supposed to do to get a sugar high?! "What exactly do you think you're doing, Wu-man?"

Wufei growled, "I am carrying justice to these OZ weaklings," before he switched his system off. Duo groaned, then looked at the rest of the pilots. They were all wearing warm blankets and sipping chicken soup, still battling the cold from the soak they had gotten.

"O-kay...so we gotta stop him, right? Awright! The Shinigami rises out of Hell again! Who's with me??" His answer was three loud sneezes and three pairs of pathetic puppy eyes. Quatre whimpered.

"Duo, I'm wet. I'm cold. I'm an Arabian, from a desert. Wet is baad..."

Duo sighed, scratching his hair. "Okay, okay, we'll stop him after you guys get warm and fuzzy. Sheesh, a few weeks after the war and you guys have all gotten soft..."

//Tonight this 'hood will be a pyre

I'm gonna set your house on fire

I'll dance around the pretty flames

Such a wonderful game!//

Sally sighed gratefully, rubbing the last of the water out of her hair. "Relena, I'm so glad that you let me come in."

Relena hid a smile, taking a sip of tea. "Well Sally, it was surprising to my guards, to the say the least, when their commanding officer appeared out of no where, swearing and cursing, wearing nothing but a towel." Sally grimaced, accepting her own cup.

"Yeah, well you should have seen me trek all the way up here then. There was a crowd of guys out there and every one of them was gawking incessantly. Some were making catcalls, and damned if I didn't deck a few of them."

"Sally, fighting meaningless battles is wrong." Relena turned serious eyes to the female surgeon, setting down her cup. "We've gotten past the time of battles and wars. We actually have peace. We don't need more wars, more suffering to be added to that-" Her speech was suddenly interrupted as something that sounded unusually like thunder approached the Peacecraft mansion, and Relena blinked in bewilderment. "I didn't know it was raining outside."

"It isn't." Sally said grimly, standing up. "And I hope you still feel that way about pacifism after this..."

"After what?"

"You'll see."

//I want to make a tiki torch

I'm gonna throw it on your porch

Then I'm gonna run away

And come back another day//

The OZ headquarters! Wufei sneered as he looked contemptuously at the grandiose structure, full of Greek arches and bright chandeliers. "If you had spent half the money on troops that you did on this building, you might have won!" Wufei called as he disabled a white Tauros...the only Mobile Unit in the whole base, it seemed.

Noin pounded her controls in frustration before grabbing the speaker to call for back up. It was then she belatedly realized that Sally and Wufei were her only backup. Sally was sitting inside the mansion talking to Relena, and Wufei was...damn. She glowered at her dead controls before gritting out in frustration. "This is annoyingly familiar. Chang Wufei, this is the second time you've left me in this kind of position and damned if I'm not gonna get you back for this!"

Wufei smirked at the onna's vaguely familiar tone before raising his triton above his Gundam's head and slamming it down on the white central dome. Relena screamed as she and Sally ducked, flying plaster skittering wildly across the room. "Heero!"

"Relena, now is not the time to be worrying about that pilot!" Sally grabbed the former Queen's hand and together, they raced out of the meeting room and after maneuvering through the maze of hallways and corridors, thy finally made it outside. Relena stared at her demolished house, then at her own gown, which was torn and soiled from the soot that was beginning to flake off from the central building.

"Sally?"

"Yes?"

"Get me a gun."

"...."

"A very big gun. I'm going to shoot that pilot myself."

"Now Miss Relena, remember your ideal of pacifism..."

Relena blinked huge blue eyes, then pointed at the mansion. "Look at that! Sally, isn't he supposed to be on our side?! He's supposed to be fighting for peace and pacifism, not destroying my Kingdom! And where's Miss Noin?"

"I think she was in the White Tauros that got blown out of the sky."

Relena folded her arms and glared at her burning house, then the smoking White Tauros, then finally turned towards the retreating Gundam. She could faintly hear the sound of laughter coming from inside the cockpit and she scowled, tapping her foot impatiently on the bed of once green grass. "Are you sure I'm a pacifist? I think I'm getting selective amnesia."

"Yes Relena, you are a pacifist."

"Grrr...Maybe Heero can help me kill him..."

//So many houses, so little time

So many reasons, I'm not a crime

I'd like to set you up

I'd like to set you up//

Wufei came down the stairs the next morning, stretching before he encountered a mob of angry faces in front of him. He glanced at Sally in question, but even his partner was glaring at him, a pistol pointed at his chest.

"Chang Wufei, you have got some explaining to do. What the hell were you doing last night you psychopathic pyro!?" Noin yelled and Wufei recoiled a bit at the vehemence in her voice.

"For your information, onna, I was destroying an OZ base-"

"You destroyed my Kingdom!" Relena screamed, and Heero caught both her arms as she leaped for Wufei's throat, "And my house, and-"

"-My car!" Sally interrupted, stomping up to her partner. "Do you know how much that BMW cost?! Do you!?" She poked him hard in the chest. "I'm gonna kill you, Fei. See if I donÌt!" Wufei sweatdropped as he saw the murder in her eyes.

"I...hit the wrong base?"

"You hit the wrong country." Trowa corrected, outwardly unemotionally, but there was definite annoyance in his green eye as he attempted to pry his hair from his face. The gel had stuck hard like tacky glue and now, he couldn't even see out of one eye. Quatre had gotten a cold from the cold drenching, and his normally cheerful face was cherry red from sneezing. He looked none too happy either. Heero was too busy trying to keep Relena from stealing his gun. She had been trying to in order to shoot a certain Chinese pilot when she found what was left of the armament cabinet had been locked and she couldn't get the Uzi that Noin kept there. He shot Wufei a death glare promising retribution as he dodged again as she made another grab for the gun.

 "I...apologize?" Wufei stammered, but the others shook their heads.

"Oh no, Fei...that's not good enough." There was an evil tone in Sally's voice as they closed in on him. "It's payback time!!"

//Ignition

They call it an obsession

but I think it's kinda bitchin'

I think it's kinda neat

Yeah, I'm a pyro

I wanna burn it up

Yeah, I'm a pyro//

"Come on, I said I was sorry!" Wufei protested as the fire began creeping up Nataku's legs. "Not Nataku, please?" He whimpered as a panel of Gundanium peeled off from the central structure and hit the ground with a resounding thud. "Nataku!!!!"

Yeah, I'm a pyro//

Author's note: my first humor fic. Poor Fei, but I couldn't help it. In all my other fics, I barely pay attention to the poor guy, so I felt a certain *cough* responsibility to...um...address his certain...ah...qualities.

Duo: You mean you're torturing him. I know cuz you usually try to torture me!

Sable: *blinks* No I don't. Hilde does.

Duo: That's not fair!!

Wufei: You think this is!? Injustice!!

Sable: *grins innocently* you were too fixated on your Gundam anyway Fei. I mean, you talked to it!

Wufei: Kisama!

Relena: Kisama yourself! You destroyed the Sanq Kingdom and you're cursing!?

Wufei: *sweatdrop then runs away as Relena goes after him with a pickaxe*

Sable: *stares* Note to self: never get a pacifist angry...*gives herself a mental shake* Yep, anyway, while I'm at it, those of u that like HY X RP, I'd suggest the works of Kristine, Pixie^A^, and the Black Rose. Awesome writers all three of them...now where's the next chapters, guys??? *puppy eyes* Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! *evil grin* I know I did...

Wufei_ Kiiiiissssssaaaaaammmmmmaaaaaa...........

Sable *rolls her eyes* review people! Pwease?