I don't own GW, nor do I make any money from this fic.

Quiet Desperation
By Caliko

The scent of sex lay heavy in the air as I lay on my back staring at the ceiling. I could feel my stomach tighten, as I waited for her to say something.. anything.

Her tiny hand play with the end of my braid, running the silky tip over her lips. I turned onto my side, searching her dazed face for answers to questions that I didn't even know. How did we get here? Did we do the right thing? Dammit! Weren't we supposed to DATE first? But then, it always did seem as if we did things half-assed backwards.

Her black hair lay over her forehead, sticking to the damp skin in strands of jet. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips swollen yet from my rushed kisses. I could see her breasts rising gently underneath the sheet, just now calming down from our heated passion.

She turned to face me, questions running through her blue eyes, and I realized that something bad had happened here. It was as if I killed our friendship when I ravaged her virginity. I could not meet her eyes, as I looked down, unable to think of what to say.

Finally, I cleared my throat, nearly crying as I forced my fears out in the open.

"Hilde... I think we made a mistake."

Pain shot through her eyes, her expression pinched, then neutral. Sitting up, she pulled the sheet around her body and stared at me. I could see her hand coming closer, but made no move to stop it as it cracked across my face.

The stinging pain was no less than what I deserved. To be honest, I deserved more than that puny punishment.

She choked back a sob, then calmly started to leave the room.

"Hilde!" I called out, the blood draining from my face as she turned back to face me.

"I'm no one's mistake, Duo." She said, "I'll be leaving tomorrow."

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Six years later....

I walked down the sidewalk towards the corner cafe where I planned on meeting Heero. The little coffee house always reminded me off the cafe on L2, where I used to share my lunch with Hilde.

The thought of her caused me to smile bitterly. I still couldn't get on with my life. I fucked up, chasing away the most important person in my world.

Six years after her disappearance, and I still thought of her every day. Her room was still as she left it, waiting for her to come back to him. Somehow.. I knew that she would.

I couldn't explain the feeling, except that it was faith. Good, old fashioned faith, the type that no one seemed to understand anymore.

I sat down at a table and gave the waiter my order as I stared out into the street at the cars waiting for the light to change. A young mother walked towards me, her head bowed over her twin daughters.

She was looking at one, laughing, when the other broke free from her grip. Just as the cars started to move, the little girl ran into the street, naively unaware of the danger she was in.

I didn't stop to think as I pushed away from the table. Adrenaline rushed through my body as I threw my arms around the child waist and jumped backwards onto the sidewalk. Breathing heavily, I sank down to meet her eyes.

Violet met violet, framed by identical chestnut hair and lightly freckled cheeks. It felt as if I had been kicked in the stomach, staring at a younger version of myself. Shocked, I my gaze and met the mothers frightened face.

She didn't look at me. In her worry, she was unable to see anything other than her little girl. Running up to us, she knelt down in front of her, hugging and rocking the child in her frantic arms.

"Hilde..." I choked, needing to know that it WAS her.

She looked up at me, her face bleaching even whiter with shocked fear. A car squealed it's tires, and the sound of metal crashing into metal met my ears.

Instinctively, I looked behind me, then changed my mind. I needed to see her, talk to her, hear her reasons for not telling me. I looked back to where she had been kneeling, only to see an empty patch of concrete.

I stood up and ran in the direction she had come. Instinct would steer her back to her home, and I meant to find her before she ran to ground.

I was rewarded a few minutes later as I found her climbing a set of metal stairs. Hiding in the shadows, I watched as she unlocked the last door, then ushered the children inside.

After six years of quiet desperation, day after day spent pretending to be normal, I found my Hilde.