I don't own GW, nor do I make any money from this fic.

Quiet Desperation - Chapter One
By Caliko

There was a metal band across my chest as I fought to keep the tears back. Jerkily, I breathed, forcing my lungs to work slower. I needed to remain calm, in control. More than that, I couldn't let Hilde see me like this.

She didn't know that I had been sick, on and off since before she left. I used to hide the meds that were prescribed for me, never using them when she was in sight. I couldn't let her know of my weakness! How could she look up to me when I was permanently crippled by the war?

During that last fight, the filtering system of Deathscythe malfunctioned. Chemicals meant to cool the gundam in extreme heat had leaked out into the air ducts, silently scarring my lungs. In the rush of battle, of killing the MS's WITHOUT hurting the soldier inside, I didn't notice the burning in my chest. For the most part, I was fine. But.. I just ran four blocks, and the adrenaline had worn off.

I felt my chest tighten more under the excitement, and I let my body fall against the wall for support. I was beginning to hope that Heero would come looking for me. He's the only one who knew about the lung poisoning, and would know enough to get me some help.

:::Gods! I hate this!:::

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"He's an idiot." I said to my sister, watching Duo lean against the wall as he fought for breath.

Sidney came up behind me and glanced out the window. "What's wrong with him? I thought he was some god-blessed war hero."

"I don't know." I sighed, watching, feeling guilty as he forced himself to stand upright. "He thought he was hiding it from me, but he came home from the Eve Wars like this. I guess he was salvaging his pride or something, but I let it go as long as he was taking care of himself."

I smacked my hand against the glass, seeing him start to slide down to the ground.

::::Damn shithead!:::

"It doesn't look like he's taking care of himself now." She mentioned.

:::Like I couldn't see that for myself.:::

"Sid.. watch the girls while I go check on him."

"Hilde..." She began to give me the big sister routine.

"Sidney, I can't leave him like this, ok?"

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My vision started to get black around the edges, causing me to REALLY freak out, in turn making the attack worse. The last time I was this bad, Hilde had just left. I had been out all night looking for her, and didn't stop to rest or sleep. I had also left my inhaler in my tool box. I was so worried, I had actually triggered an attack... one that landed me in the hospital.

Heero had found me in the ally next to my garage, gasping for air and moaning Hilde's name whenever I did get the air in my lungs. He brought me to the emergency room, yelling at me the entire time for being a, (and I quote), 'god-damned idiot who couldn't take care of myself if someone gave me an instruction book.", (end quote).

Thank the gods for Heero. Without him, I don't know what I would have done.

:::probably would have crawled into a dark hole and waited for death.:::

A pair of black sneakers came into my vision, and I felt hands under my arms.

:::Shit.. I didn't mean for her to see me like this! I had THOUGHT that I was far enough in the shadows that she wouldn't know.:::

"Duo, help me." She hissed, trying to get me to my feet.

"Let... me.. down!" I rasped, trying to stretch out on the ground.

"Not here. C'mon, I have to get you inside."

"Stairs." She followed my gaze, grimacing.

"Shit! SIDNEY!" She screamed, waiting for her sister to poke her head outside. "Help me!"

I didn't remember much after that, beyond shadows. A few minutes later, I was being lifted into the back of a truck, and an oxygen mask was over my face. I woke up in the emergency room with Heero and Relena sitting with me. Heero was holding his girlfriends hand, while Relena looked worried.

I looked around, taking note of the otherwise empty room.

"Where's Hilde?" I asked.

Heero's face seemed to close off, and he turned away. Shaking his head, he walked out the door, leaving Relena to explain everything.

"Hilde left as soon as we arrived. She said that she had to get back to the girls. I didn't know she had kids."

I closed my eyes again, knowing that Hilde would be gone again before I got out. Throwing my legs over the edge of the bed, I slid out and grabbed my pants from the cubby.

Shocked, Relena tried to push me back to bed. I dodged her hands and pulled my pants on as the former queen started calling for Heero's help.

The 01 pilot came in, fuming when he saw what I was doing. Pulling me around to face him, he grabbed my shirt from my hands and pushed me back into bed.

"Get back into bed, Duo." He ordered, his voice even and rational.

"I can't. I gotta find Hilde before it's too late." I took my shirt back, and threw it over my shoulders. Grabbing my shoes, I shoved my feet into them and began to lace them up.

"Forget her, Maxwell! Every time she's around, you end up in the hospital!"

"Heero, one, you don't know the whole story. Two, she's gonna run, now that I know where she's living!"

"And I'm supposed to help you STOP her? Good riddance, Duo!"

"She has my kids! I'm NOT going to allow her to get away again! Dammit, I really fucked up that night!"

I stalked out the door, praying that I would make it in time. Shaking off the nurses hands, I flagged down the first taxi I could find, and gave him the directions.

At the apartment, I beat the door with my fists, not letting up until it creaked open. At first, I thought that she was Hilde, but as the door opened wider, I realized that this girl was taller, more rounded.

"Where is she?" I asked, pushing my way inside.

"Well, gee! it's nice to meet you!" She said sarcastically, "No wonder she left you."

"Yeah, well, I sometimes say the wrong things. Now where is she?"

"I can't tell you that."

"Can't?"

"Won't. I don't know you Maxwell, and I'm not about to betray my sister for you."

"Fine. Then you give her this message. Either she can come talk to me herself, or I can have her arrested for kidnapping. I'm sure that blood tests will confirm that the girls are mine."

I ignored the rage that flared in her eyes and turned and walked out the door. Heero must have followed my cab. He pulled up to the curb just as I reached the last step. He leaned over and opened the door, and waited as I got inside.

A few minutes later, he pulled into traffic, and asked me the one question he should have asked six years ago.

"What did you do to her to make her leave?"

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