DxH Addiction:
Revenge is Best Served Cold
or The Revenge of Duo and Hilde by Caliko

Disclaimer: All Characters belong to Sunrise and Bandai. I don't own them, either...

I want to say, "Thank you Sabacat for the 'Relena Virus'." (giggling)

Duo dropped the paper on the table as he bent over to give Hilde a kiss hello.

"It's done, Babe." was all he said, as he sat down.

"You put it in EVERY paper, Duo?"

"Yup. Just like you said. Where did you come up with this one, anyway?"

"Wufei is the type to be uncomfortable around women. Being pursued by a bunch of strangers would be his worst nightmare. I just took a little bit of psychology, mixed it up with insanity, and got the ultimate torture." She smiled nastily into his face, as he laughed.

"Yeah, you got that right, Hilde-girl! Have you taken care of Heero's laptop?"

"I decided that a virus would be.... too destructive. I have something a lot better planned..."

Hilde wouldn't elaborate, and something in her expression warned him not to ask.

"Now...I mailed the disk to Heero, with an anonymous note saying that it's proof of a plot to kill Relena. He'll load up the disk, and poof! It will start."

"Oh, Babe! Please, tell me that you haven't gone too far!"

"Chicken, Duo?"

"Well...not for me. I've been on thier hit list before, but you haven't."

"Duo... I'm just playing with his frustrations. After all, wasn't that what he tried to do to us? Now.. grab your bags. We have to go meet with Quatre."

Quatre met them at the terminal, ready and willing to aid the two in 'Operation: On The Prowl.' He didn't like being so cruel to Trowa, but he was a little upset that his best friend left him out.

He also resented being labeled, "too kind." It was just another way of saying, "a pushover." He might have been a pacifist, but he wasn't weak!

"Yeah, we'll see who's too nice, won't we, Trowa?" He mumbled to himself, causing Hilde's eyebrows to raise.

"So, Quatre! How is your part coming?" she asked, brightly trying to change his mood.

"My Maganacs have the cats, and Trowa has already missed them." A strange smirk, never before seen on the young Arab, was now visible. Quatre was enjoying the prank immensely.

"Have you started the phone calls?" Duo asked, relishing the wild lion chase.

"Not yet. I thought that you might want to watch his face when we make the call."

"Watch his face? Quatre, if he figures it out too early, the whole prank is ruined!" Duo was horrified at the thought.

"Relax, Duo. I have his trailer bugged. We will see him, but HE won't see us."

"We have created a monster, Hilde."

"Yeah! Aren't you proud?" The petite German girl smirked as the blond took her arm and handed her into the waiting limo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, in Preventer headquarters:

"What is the meaning of this, Chang?" Sally slammed the newspaper down in front of the lean pilot, her eyes blazing fire at her fiance'.

"What are you babbling about now, Woman?" Wufei grumbled as he picked up the paper to read the circled ad. "What is this? This is a lie! Who would spread such a lie?"

"Then, you had nothing to do with it?" Sally asked, slowly calming down.

"What kind of dishonorable cur do you take me for?" He demanded, pulling her into his arms. Kissing her, he pulled back a bit, before saying, "One woman is enough trouble for me."

"Trouble? Hmmm...yeah...you do have a hard time keeping up with me. Maybe I should pick you up some vitamins."

"I don't think that will be necessary, Sally." He leaned down to nip at her ear, glad that the door to the office was closed.

They were just about to kiss when the phone rang. Sighing, that he had to answer during office hours, Wufei picked it up. Listening for a minute, his eyes went wide, and he blanched.

Finally, unable to take anymore, he started to yell into the mouthpiece.

"NO, I do NOT need a sex slave! What kind of pervert ARE you, Woman!"

Heero's room, shady glen boarding house:

Heero paid the delivery boy the normal fee before taking the disk. Calmly, the perfect soldier turned on his laptop and inserted the disk. As usual, he checked for viruses before running the program, but it was clean.

Typing in the specified command, he calmly waited for the message to play. The calm lasted all of ten seconds as a video of Relena came onto the screen.

::::Was that Relena's bedroom? How dare someone videotape her without her knowledge!:::

Moments later, he realized just how bad it was. The blond angel looked out of her window, smiled, and unbuttoned her blouse. Leaving it draped over her shoulders, with her lacy black bra peeking through, she blew a kiss at the cameraman.

Outraged, Heero barely noticed when the laptop shut itself down.

:::HOW dare she string him along all this time, then turn around and pose for this!:::

Only then did he look down and notice that the power was off.

:::::That's weird. I didn't shut it down.:::

He rebooted the computer, and the movie came back up automatically. But, this time, it was longer.

Relena repeated the earlier flirting, but this time, she let the blouse drop. Then, the laptop AGAIN shut itself down.

"WHAT is going on?" he shouted aloud.

His eyes glued to the screen, he again rebooted the laptop. Again, the movie went a little farther. Relena dropped her pants, this time, and stood mischievously in the middle of the room wearing a black bra and matching lace underwear. THEN, the screen shut down.

By this time, Heero was thoroughly outraged. He was also horny as hell. On autopilot, he again restarted the computer, knowing that this time, she'd drop the bra.

He was right. Unfortunately, just as the bra was falling from her luscious breasts...the computer shut down. He didn't get to see them, and it rebooted in the first cycle.

"I am going to kill someone!" he shouted, before banging his head into the wooden table.

The circus: Trowa Barton's Trailer:

"Trowa, calm down. We'll find them!"

Cathy desperately tried to calm her brother down, but the silent man just paced. She had never seen him this edgy. The clown had always been stoic with both his words, and him movements. He had NEVER been one to make an unplanned move.

Now? He was pacing the long, narrow length of his trailer with an agitated gate. At every ring of the telephone, he jumped. His hair was pushed back off of his face by his mask, and for once, both green eyes were seen. Both orbs showed nothing but fretful worry.

"Trowa, someone's on the phone. He claims that he spotted some lions loose." The manager handed the phone to the young clown before joining Cathy on the couch.

"You saw them?" He asked into the phone. "Yeah, I know where that is. Isn't it on L2? How did they get there? No, I'm sure you had nothing to do with it. Thank you, I'll meet you there."

"They were spotted on L2." His bewildered eyes blinked at his sister, as they all thought of the same thing.

::::::How did the lions get to L2 from Earth?::::

Duo and Hilde's bathroom at Quatre's L4 compound:

"Duo, we aren't being too mean, are we?" Hilde asked, haunted by the worried look on Trowa's face.

"Thinking about Trowa, huh?

They were in the tub, Hilde sitting in front of Duo as he rubbed her back with a pearlized cleanser. She sighed as he glided his hands over her slick back, taking immeasurable pleasure at his gentle touch.

"Yeah...." she mumbled, as he continued his massage.

"well.. he didn't feel too guilty when he let us think that we were kidnapped."

"Hmmm...."

"Besides, he'll like his surprise at the end."

At this, Hilde grinned. Yeah, all of the pranks were a bit over the top, but she made sure that the boys would be happy when it was all over. Feeling much better, she turned around in her baby's arms and let herself melt into his embrace. Soon, All of the pilots where going to be this happy.