"Through the floor' was written and sang by Edwin McCain, and is owned and copywrote by him. I do not claim ownership of his song. I am simply borrowing it, because I thought that It could fit this scene. Duo, Hilde, and the rest of the Gundam Wing Group belong to Bandai and Sunrise. I don't claim to own them either. ^_^ I made no money from this fic at all, and I probably never will. Nope. Instead, I've invested time and effort writing something I could never make money off of, simply out of love for Gundam Wing. Be gentle with me, and please, R/R!
~Caliko

Through The Floor
By Caliko

~~This signals the song lyrics~~

*************************************

~Bathed in sunlight woke up from dreams of murderous intentions~

The sun shone through the lacy curtain onto my face, and for a brief moment, I had thought that the explosion was real. It took me a minute or two, as I lay, calming my ragged breath, to realize that it was just a dream. I didn't do that anymore.

~Pursued by dogs and men and things I'm just too scared to mention~

"Duo?" She spoke softly, curling closer to my shaking body.

Gently, her palm flattened over my stomach, stroking easily through the thin trail of hair that dusted my muscles.

"Hmm?" She soothed me, simply by being close.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Babe." I said, "Just a really bad dream."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Oh God, no, Hil. I'm alright now. See?"

I smiled, hoping that she'd changed the subject. I was scared that one day, she would realize the full evil of my soul.

~And the First thing that I think of are her sympathetic eyes~

"It was that dream again, wasn't it?"

"What dream? Hilde, what are you talking abo-"

She stopped me with a look, then lay her finger over my lips for good measure.

"The one that you just woke up screaming from."

:::Oh damn.:::

Her eyes just bore into me, worried, and my mind raced to think of some way to satisfy her without actually telling her about the dream. My Hilde was a little bit superstitious, and would think it was a warning about my trip to Earth.

"It was just the same dream I always have when I have to leave you."

~That see with only positive emotion~

"Maybe it's telling you to hurry home, then."

She didn't believe me, but she was willing to let it pass.

"That must be it."

I rolled over to my side and waited for her to settle onto the mattress. Then, I kissed her, pouring every bit of love and gratitude I had for this woman, thankful that she was part of my life.

~And she talks of being grumpy, but I know that grump's not her style~

Later on, she waddled from the stove to the table with our breakfast in hand. Placing it down, she growled, then waited for me to help lower her into her seat. She growled when I laughed, casting me the evil eye.

"Next time, your getting pregnant." She threatened, laughing through her warning despite herself.

"Alright, Babe. And we can rake in the dough, since I would be the only man to ever get that way."

~And I soak up all her beauty, because I'm only here a while~

"I love you." I said, out of the blue.

I surprised her enough that she stopped her joking, frozen midway between hemorrhoids and back aches and never finding a comfortable position to sleep in. Hilde knew that I loved her, of course. It was just that I'm so friggin uncomfortable talking about my emotions, that I rarely said the words.

:::That is going to change.::: I silently vow, knowing that there were a lot of things I wanted to amend before the baby came.

"I love you, too, Duo." Her eyes grew soft, and I found myself holding her hand across the table as I finished shoveling my eggs into my mouth.

"Let me look at you, Babe." I said, laying down my fork and getting up. "Who knows how huge you'll be when I get back."

She just growled, then held her hands out for me to help her. I didn't worry about annoying my Hilde-babe. No matter how much she complained, she enjoyed being pregnant. You could tell by the excitement in her eyes, and the glow in her cheeks. She constantly wore a smile, and laughed, even when she complained about everything.

"God, you're beautiful." I looked my fill, memorizing every slope, wondering what would be different when I got back in two weeks. "I don't want to go."

"Heero needs you." She reminded me, whispering the words softly in the now silent kitchen.

"This is the last time." I said it out loud, knowing that it wasn't the first time I had said it.

She simply smiled, knowing that my friendship with Heero went deeper than the norm. It was more like brotherhood than simple friendship.

~And I muddle through my docket, nestle in the pocket, and just sit back and think about the world.~

The shuttle was late, making me wonder if life itself was telling me not to go. So many things were different now, then they were when I first gave Heero my vow to always be there to save the peace. I was no longer sixteen years old. Hilde and I were more than friends, more than partners.

We were lovers, successful business owners, and we were about to be parents. She couldn't run the yard on her own anymore, and I couldn't help but realize that it was selfish of me to leave like this when Heero called.

~And the only thing I see when she's looking back at me is the promise of how life could be~

Yet, when I looked into her eyes, all I saw was love, acceptance, and a hint of how our life could be someday. That's why this last mission was the last one. I wanted what her eyes promised.

"I'll be right back, hon. I have to go do something."

She smirked, and I kept quiet. Let her think I had to use the restroom.

~And as I wrote my chest got tight for her~

There were some things I needed to tell her, without copping out because I felt so uncomfortable talking about things like this. I needed to let her know just what she made me feel.

~I know that I'm not right for her and I couldn't live if I ever caused her pain.~

I didn't deserve her, that's true. God made his only mistake giving her to me, but it was too late to go back. Leaving for good would cause her more pain than me staying. She was an angel, and I was a demon, but I was already damned for living. What more could he do to punish me?

So I stayed with her, knowing that everyday the risk grew that she would find out how much better she was than me.

~But at least I have a message that I can leave that tells her of this spin inside.~

And now, I was telling her everything, exactly how I felt, and what I was afraid of, hoping beyond hope that she wouldn't care. I prayed that I was doing the right thing, spelling out every reason why I didn't deserve her, then begging for her to still be there when I got home. I was just so tired of living with the fear - it was time to let go of it.

~My gears turning, I'm still learning to trust myself. ~

It was the hardest thing I ever did, saying goodbye this last time.

:::Please, Lord, let her still be there when I get home!:::

With that thought in my head, I leave the restroom with note in hand, watching the curiosity in her eyes grow when I hand it to her.

She turns it in her hands, ready to open it when I stop her.

"No. Wait till I'm on the plane, babe. Please?"

I curse inwardly, seeing fear flare deep inside of her at my words. :::She was afraid, too?:::

~But at least I've told her of this difficult goodbye.~

"Come home soon."

"Flight 111, L2 Colony to Sanc Kingdom, now boarding." The loudspeaker sounded, startling us both.

I leaned down, kissing her soundly. "This is the last time." I promise, knowing that she didn't believe me. That was alright. It was one of those things that just had to be proven with time.

I climbed the stairs, then handed the stewardess my ticket. Then, I took my seat, letting my head fall back against the pillows as I waited for them to finish boarding so that we could leave.

~Seven minutes before I'm leaving, and now my chest is heaving.~

:::I can't do it. I have to go back.::::

I was hyperventilating, nervous, accusing myself of hurting her. And I did. Leaving always hurt Hilde, and I vowed to never do that if I could help it.

~ I just can't go like I did before.~

But, what choice did I have? Heero had no one else. Wufei was in the jungles chasing criminals, Trowa was at Cathy's wedding, and Quatre never had the heart for the sheer destruction Heero's plane always called for.

~And tomorrow I'll be miles away and dreaming~

This was the last time. It was too late to back out now, but next time, Heero would have to find someone else.

~That she hears my voice floating through the floor.~

I fell asleep on the plane, dreaming once more. But instead of my normal nightmares, I dreamed of coming home.

~~Owari~~