Hey, minna! As usual, I don't own GW, and I make NO MONEY!!! <G>Please, don't sue! :) Anywho, my normal warnings... : CITRUSY FILLING! <G> Some possible lemon.. depends on whether Heero catches Relena... Pairings???? 2XH, 1XR, 5XSP, and 4XCB.

Whipped - Part three
By Caliko

Wufei pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store, looking around before he got out of his truck. All he had seen were three buses from the retirement village down the street. His truck was the only normal car there. The grocery store should be empty!

"YES!" he snickered, blushing when some old guy raised his eyebrows, mumbling about the strangeness of youth these days.

Grabbing a shopping cart, (he didn't actually want to TOUCH the box longer than he had to), he was about to pass the bed of his truck, when he remembered the rain slicker in the cargo box.

:::Can't be too careful.::: He thought, getting it out and putting it on. He was about to close the lid when the fedora came into sight. :::Perfect! No one will recognize me!:::

Whistling, he walked to the doors and entered the store, not once thinking that wearing a trench coat and fedora in ninety degree heat would seem.. strange. The :Whoosh: of the air conditioning hit him in the face, the icy breath drying the drops of sweat from his brow. Wufei shivered, pulling the coat closer together, then walking to the feminine hygiene isle. Halfway down, he started to shake, unable to miss hearing the conversation going on between to lady's.

Both wore housedresses, with their silvery blue hair cut short and curled around their faces. The taller one was at least 65, and the shorter one looked to be even older! They were talking about sex, in particular, which feminine moisture product worked best before, during, and after.

Wu turned the carriage quickly, pretending to be in the wrong isle. Then, he went to the next, and listened carefully, waiting for the sex after sixty club to go on their way.

Two more geriatric jezebels joined the other two, causing Wu to groan as he leaned against the shelf to wait. Now, they were talking about constipation. Sheesh! If he wanted to hear this he would have gotten a book! Wufei breathed a sigh of relief as they walked down to the end of the isle, then across his field of view as they went to the cereal section.

He went back to the feminine hygiene isle, and slowed to a crawling walk. Carefully, he read the names off the boxes, looking for the right brand. Knowing Sal, she'd send him back. Finally, at the very end, he came across her choice.

Looking to the right, then the left, he blindly reached for the box, and grabbed it quick as the group of old lady's came back. Humming, he nearly ran for the checkout.

The girl behind the cash register was your normal teenage blond, not much older than Esme Maxwell. She was dressed in retro punk, wore three earrings in each ear, and had her fingernails painted a dark orchid. Shuddering, he prayed that Katy never went that far.

He handed the box to the girl, waited for her to ring it up, then paid for it before sprinting to his car. He threw the bag onto the front seat and started the ignition. Looking down at his gear shift, he realized that the bag had spilled open... and that he didn't buy tampons.

Near tears, Wufei shoved the box of douche back into the plastic, nearly see-through bag.. and trudged back to the store to exchange it for a box of tampons.

The manager was very nice, understanding his problem exactly. He went on and on about how his wife and three daughters did this to him all the time. Then, he made Wu show him his receipt.. which he had forgotten to get from the orchid-nailed-retro-punk-girl.

Wu winced, then pointed her out, not expecting the man to do what he did next. The manager picked up his microphone, then turned it on.

"Celia! Did this man just buy a box of Field of Flowers Douche?" He asked, drawing the stares of about sixty elderly people, including the Geriatric Jezebels.

"Yeah, Ron. I have his receipt right here. He left without taking it."

Ron then smiled, and ushered Wufei to go get the right box.

He walked the hurdle of spectators, blushing as a Jezebel called him a pervert.

:::/sigh/ why me?::: He thought, reaching the isle, then getting the box. :::I swear, that if I didn't know that it was impossible, that Sally planned the entire thing.:::

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He eyed his best friend over the desk piled high with contracts. He had his arms crossed, his feet spread, and his chin lowered. With narrowed eyes, he waited for Quatre to make the first move.

"Trowa!" The blond smiled, getting up. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you." He replied, putting his arm around the man's shoulders. "About Cathy."

He wore a thin grin, the only sign that he was relishing the plan that was about to unfold. Quick as thought, he cracked open the thin vial in his hand, watching as the gas drifted over to Quatre's nose.

Trowa caught him as he fell, then placed him into his chair. Opening the window, he reached outside, and pulled in the emergency rescue board that the Preventers used for rescue missions. Minutes later, he strapped the blond into the board, checked all the straps, padlocked everything that could possibly be padlocked, and dropped Quatre out of the window.

He whistled as he jogged to the stairs, hummed as he skipped every other step on his way to the roof. He actually sang opera as he turned on the winch, and watched his best friend float upwards towards his waiting hands.

The mild sedative wore off quickly, just as it was designed to. It wouldn't be any good it the blond playboy wasn't aware of what was happening!

"Trowa..." he mumbled, nervous as the maniacal sound of laughter met his ears. "By Allah.. this is not good...."

The green-eyed man lifted his board up to the open doorway to a waiting helicopter, and hit a button. He watched as Quatre's board was slowly lifted inside, then closed the door.

Quatre sensed someone else lying close by... Someone who smelled like... gardenias? The only person he knew who wore that sent was Cathy!

He turned his head, and there she was. Trowa had Cathy Trussed up as tight as he was, in another emergency board, but with tape across her mouth.

"You know, Quatre, Cathy, I really don't enjoy being the last to know everything." Trowa said, turning into his seat. "But, I can let it slip, this last time."

The clown giggled, then turned away to start the propellers. "Are you two ready to take a little trip? We're going to have fun!"

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"Chryssy Yuy! DROP HIM!" Hilde yelled up the stairs, wincing as Jeremy hit the floor head first, then tripped the older girl as she ran away.

Shaking her head, she went back to cooking the pancakes, wondering how the peace-loving Relena could have spawned such warmongers.

"Breakfast!" She called out, ducking as five sets of feet came running into the kitchen.

"Duo, I called Dr. Evans. He's not going to be there, but an associate will be. You have a two O'clock appointment."

Her husband gulped, the nodded, before burrowing his face into his last meal.

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"Relena..." Heero leaned against the locked door, waiting for his wife to open the door. "Come out, Princess! I want to show you something."

The water stopped running, signaling that she might be giving in.

"I've seen it, Yuy! I've seen so much of it, that I can't walk!" She hissed through the door, just before he heard something squeak against the floor and bang hard on the door.

Suspicious, Heero twisted the doorknob and attempted to open the door. He pushed against it with his shoulder, but couldn't get it to budge more than an inch or two.

:::What the f*ck?::: he thought, trying to think what she could have used.

"Relena, let's talk about this... Open the door."

"Are you going to jump me?"

"Well.."

"Are you?"

"Princess, you should be happy that I want you so much!" Heero sighed, leaning against the door again.

"Uh huh.. sure. I enjoy walking bowlegged."

"Honey, I'll be gentle! I promise! Now, look, we have time for a quickie before Pagan comes back with the kids."

"A quickie? How can you be gentle with a quickie? /sigh/ Just.. go .. away! I'm in the tub!" "Even better! Wanna play Mr. Clean? I can get your pipes unblocked..."

:::Why me?::: Relena asked herself, sinking deep into the hot water to get her hair wet.

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Hilde pushed Duo into the exam room, smirking as he held onto the door frame. Desperately, he tried to put off the examination. To no avail. Hilde snaked her fingers into his arm pits and wiggled them, causing him to let go and fall to the floor, giggling.

She then grabbed a foot, and pulled him across the linoleum floor to the table. Hilde loosened her hold on his ankle, and Duo immediately tried to get away. Growling, the tiny pixie sat on his back, smirking, and saying only four words.

"Groin muscle feeling better?"

Duo was still, then he nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, Babe! Let's go home! I'm all better now!"

Hilde laughed, then cooed... "Oh good! Esme and Jeremy are at the park.. we'll have the whole house to ourselves!"

He moved quickly, as if he agreed, then twisted onto his side. Hilde fell off, giggling, as the God Of Death started howling, cupping his manhood in his hands.

"Owwww!! Maybe I'm not all better... I'm sorry, Babe. You know I hate doctors visits!"

"/sigh/ Duo, you should know by now that I won't hurt you." Sally's voice came from behind, amusement tinting her voice.

"Oh god.. what did I do to deserve this?" Duo moaned, knowing that he just lost the bet.

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Heero tiptoed down the narrow ledge, confident that he could reach the bathroom window. Turning the corner, he smiled tightly... his goal was within reach.

Taking the glass cutter from his belt, he carefully cut a circle into the window. Then, reaching threw, he unlocked it, then lifted the glass out of the way.

"Relena...." he sang, climbing in.

He turned around and was met by an empty room. Wet footprints padded out of the bathroom, and under the closed door.

"Now I have you..." He said, reaching for the doorknob.

He twisted it, and pushed, only to find it once again blocked. Eyeing the now open window, he groaned, and prepared to scale the heights again.

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***Singing*** Mr. Clean, Mr. Clean!***** ok.. i'm warped, and Heero is ooc.. i know it.. :)